HILLBILLY WORD OF THE DAY: FASCINATE

(VERB) MY SHIRT HAS TEN BUTTONS BUT I CAN ONLY FASCINATE!

DO CROWDED ELEVATORS SMELL DIFFERENT TO MIDGETS?

ONE BILLION TRILLION CLICKS!

Well, a thousand anyway! I can't believe we have clicked on this page 1000 times in less than two weeks!

Now I know some are repeat clicks where we've refreshed the page, etc. But it's still pretty impressive....good going to all of us! We've also posted over 30 times this week alone - that's the most per week so far.

If I could only figure out a way we could make some money off of it....sigh.

HERE'S A THOUGHT

I think Brandy should change her last name to her dad's new last name of ferguson and then when she gets married she can be Brandy Ferguson-Forbes. Now that sounds like a swanky, southern belle. Banjo would then become Banjo Ferguson-Forbes, which I like even better!

BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL,
BECAUSE THOSE WHO MIND DON'T MATTER
AND THOSE WHO MATTER DON'T MIND

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR MOMMY!

Talk about a POSER!!! Meet Banjo McGee

Whiskey for my men and beer for our horses

Brandy's dog, Banjo

A Drumroll Please............

I'd just like to say thanks to Michelle and Michael for coming over today and digging my car out of the snow. I've been stuck at home for two days, missed a day of work and was lucky enough to catch a ride to and from work today. Michael managed to shovel enough snow away from my car (in a very short amount of time) that I was able to get my car out when I got home from work. The downstairs neighbor/possible serial killer - or "Jeffrey" as Michelle calls him - felt it would be near impossible to do this. Needless to say, he hasn't shoveled the walkway and steps either.

So, Wesley helped me get moved out of my old apartment and Michael's shoveled my car out. These are turning out to be two very handy boys to have around!

Thanks again - Michael and Michelle!!

p.s. I owe you a shovel.

KERNEL COOTS

Glad to see that Darrell, Brandy and Joyce have joined us. I am still waiting to see something posted by the ever elusive mominhiding. In Knoxville it is snowing, so I am thinking that John and dad let that crap follow them down here on their way back from seeing you guys. Sorry I havent posted much but I have been real busy with working two jobs. Last Friday night I held my first Poker tournament at Kurts. Went over pretty well I had to teach almost everyone how to play. Do you know what its like teaching a bunch of drunks how to play cards, its kind of like teaching John how to drive and Michelle how to cook. This weekend we start off our Mardi Gras week. So I'm having lots of fun getting the bar to look like a casino. Brandy I will send you my information after I post this. Speaking of weddings, I had to get fitted for a tux for a wedding that I am in on March 10th. I was so happy to find out I now have a 32" waist(no wonder my pants keep falling off they are all 36"). So I guess a year of dieting and eating right has paid off, I went from 225# to 160#. Tricia loved the video. Doug if the snow sticks here will you run to the store and get me some smokes I am about out. Any way I need to go and work on the website and myspace account for the bar. I am posting a pic of me taken sunday night at the bar. We had a woman named Jen Foster perform she rocked, this pic was taken with my cell phone, its a razor so the quality sucks.

Cabin Fever.........

How are all you Northerners handling being shut in? Everybody is probably going stir crazy. Well except for Doug, with all the cigarette runs he's probably had to make for everybody he may be the sanest one of the bunch! Oh, by the way, thanks for sending the cold air down south. It was 62 here yesterday, today it was 32!

Updating Birthdays

I DO BELIEVE THAT YOU MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN TWO!!! YOU MUDDA AND YOU FADDA BIRTHDAYS ARE MISSING. I BELIEVE MOM'S IS COMING UP FRIDAY? FEB 16? AND NO, I DID NOT GO TO WORK. THE ROADS WERE APPARENTLY TOO BAD TO DRIVE ON, UNLESS OF COURSE, YOUR SISTER, WHO LIVES ACROSS THE STREET FROM TWO CARRY OUTS, NEEDS CIGARETTES.

From me to you...

holy shit batman!!

snow jam '07 shut the schools down, send the kids home, go get bread and water and prepare for no end in sight for the snow !! these idiots here at work saw 2 so called snow flakes fall from the sky and they say its snowing! give me a fricking break! this is all that will be on the news at noon.

Proof...it was not all for nothing!!

Bigfoot Tracks?

Hmmm, can't tell from the pic. Were these tracks running away from your house? HEHE

ADD SOME ICE AND SLEET TO THE SNOW AND YOU'VE GOT A MESS!

It's nasty, nasty, nasty out there. Now, we've got ice and sleet falling to add to the snow, with more snow coming. "Traveling is not recommended!" say the local news channels. I hope Doug did not go to work today. He works quite a distance away and the roads and conditions will be even worse up there so I hope he stayed home. I won't be going anywhere, my tires are bald and I get little to no traction on this stuff.

It started a little after midnight and I was up all night anyway so I watched it snow, snow and snow some more. Took some more pictures about 5 a.m. or so because I know how much John loves this stuff. One is a picture of what I suspect may be Bigfoot tracks!

Happy sledding, Tricia!

DAYTON, It sucks to be you!

Tricia, Let the sleds roll, er..... slide! Might have to get one with some higher runners on it tho..............

BUT WAIT - YOU GET MORE!

Okay, I've added two new features....A Clock (EST) and a Chat Box. Both are in the sidebar. The chat box is easy to use....just type in your name and type hello in the message area and if anyone else is here they will see that in the box and respond. We can now chat in real time.....if you are inclined to do so. You do have to click the "refresh" on the chat box to see if anyone has logged in recently. This is the freebie version...the premium has lots more stuff (including the ability to see who's on line) but it costs like $2.00 a month or something. Figured we'd try this out first and see what happens.

The clock is just for fun.

I've added to the birthday list THE BEST THAT I CAN REMEMBER which is why there are ?'s after many entries. I will gladly remove the ? and/or enter corrections if someone lets me know.

It's snowing like the after party at a Stone's concert. I expect to see a picture on here by Thursday of Tricia's kids out sledding or it will all be for nothing!

FAMILY FUN FACT #1

Does anyone know which months have NO birthdays for any of Mom and Dad's direct descendants (or as far as I know, indirect)? I have always found that interesting...this many people and none born in those months!

Now, if someone corrects me on this, I may find it unbearable!

Hey! The McGee -Forbes Merger is quickly approaching - 128 days!! I need addresses for Tricia, Chance, Michelle, Rick, Mark, and Mike (just the street number). I posted my email on my profile - so you can send it to me that way. Thanks!

THAT SOUNDS GOOD

I never get soupbeans and cornbread anymore unless I'm eating at the Cracker Barrel. Ain't the same as homecooked, but close. Still would like some salmon patties and dumplings though...maybe I'll fix them someday soon.

Doug. Charlies Daniels and the Beatles? I guess we could say your taste in music tonight is certainly eclectic. Speaking of which, let me say this one more time....Jackson Browne and Linda Ronstadt were NEVER part of the Eagles. They may have played with them occassionally, but not as members of the band. The original Eagles were Glenn Frey, Don Henley, Don Felder, Randy Misner and I think some guy named Bernie. Timothy B Schmidt and Joe Walsh joined them later. Don't make me have to come over there because of this. You might know your Scruggs, Hortons and Haggards, BUT I KNOW MY EAGLES!

Brandy needs to start gathering everyone's address and stuff for her wedding, so please make sure you have your email listed on your profile so she can contact you. I see she doesn't have hers listed yet, but I believe she will be correcting that soon so you can contact her.

I will be changing the colors on here after Valentine's Day so if anyone has any special requests, send them in now. I will do what I can....

Mmmmmmm!

Soupbeans ans Cornbread!

AND IN MY HOUR OF DARKNESS
HE IS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
SPEAKING WORDS OF WISDOM
LET IT BE

I love this picture of John and Zola!!!

Pictures

Joyce, Mom and Peg - when we went to Savannah last Spring

I feel compelled to compete with Doug, but it seems I have used up all of my hilarious wit and sarcasm with these teenage PUKES I deal with all day....

THIS RACIAL PROFILING HAS GOT TO STOP!

WELL, IT HAPPENED AGAIN THIS MORNING. EVERY TIME A COP SEES A RUSTY PICK - UP TRUCK WITH A GUN RACK IN THE BACK WINDOW, RED TAPE OVER THE TAIL LIGHT, A BUSTED WINDSHIELD, NO TAILGATE, AND A CONFEDERATE FLAG LICENSE PLATE THEY AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME THAT IT'S ONE OF US APPALACHIAN AMERICANS AND WE'RE EITHER ON OUR WAY TO OR FROM THE BEER STORE. WHEN WILL IT END?

clarification

Doug, robin and dad where discussing the band the eagles on Saturday night and Doug thought that Jackson Browne was in the band. in fact i was googleing the band and Jackson Browne is not listed as being a former band member, but he did write some of their songs and may have recorded with the band on the song take it easy.

what the hell, wheres the snow !!

what the hell i leave Ohio and its about 3 degrees and i get back and its fricking 60 degrees! well i had a fun trip. we left Thursday afternoon and got to the winter wonderland about 9:15 or so. it was a good trip as long as you can get past the bluegrass music playing on the xm. and dads attempt to sing. on Friday i shoveled snow for the first time. that was fun wasn't too cold for me. but when i realized my nose was running down into my mustache and freezing on contact, i knew it was time to go in and warm up. with the snow coming again the first part of the week, hopefully someone will have the side walk shoveled at my grandparents so papaw doesn't attempt to do it again. i didn't get to make a snowman because the snow wouldn't pack very well. i did some riding around with Michelle and it was at that point that i saw my life flash before my eyes not once but twice. and i thought my driving was bad! i did find an antique bed but it was a full size not a queen and after consulting with my antique insider (mominhiding), i chose not to buy it. although it was a good price. for those of you who don't know i like to buy antique furniture and refinish them. Ohio seems to be the only place i can find that kind of furniture at a good price because these people down here know what they have. oh and by the way brandy is only on here because she called me yesterday asking me some questions and i told here that she needed to get on the blog to find the answers to here questions. she seems to think i was going to miss the daytona 500 so she could take the kids to have them fitted for a dress for some wedding. SHES NUTS!! she also thinks that I'm going to get all dressed up for some wedding. i told here to just save the money and go to Chattanooga and get married. or better yet save some money down the road and just live with the guy. but that's just me! I'm going to catch some serious flak for talking about her but she knows she's my favorite cousin. oh and by the way I'm taking a break from the chittlins and collards diet thank you very much DARRELL! just remember my motto "its all pink on the inside".

AND BEFORE I FORGET

So, if you are quoting the Stones, Mark, does that mean you got my reference to "that spells M-0-0-N"? Doug didn't and I had to tell him. I'm hoping you come up with it, you should be able to.

DOUG'S ON A ROLL

I guess Doug is planning on being busy at work tomorrow since he's been posting his nonsense all day. ENOUGH WITH THE BOB RANSOMER! And really, "omerta"? Someone's been in the dictionary again!

Mark, you've been pretty quiet the last couple of days. Too bad that quietness didn't prevent you from posting a comment with the "N" word in it. I think we all know how I feel about that. Can we not express ourselves without degrading another? Tell Jackie thanks for the Club Pogo trial membership...I've been playing bingo and slots like crazy!

Hey, Brandy......glad you finally got here! Yep, feel free to post pics and whatever. As you can see, your dad and most of your uncles are on here, several cousins and besides me, there is another aunt but she lurks in the shadows. That last post of Doug's may be enough to bring her out though!

Well, I guess Johnny and John should be home by now or close to it. John had fun playing in the snow but unfortunately he wasn't able to make a snowman. Although I hope the next bout of snow they're forecasting passes us by, if we do get some maybe someone can make a snowman for John and post the pic on here for him. Next best thing to being here. I guess.

Coming up on 400 clicks on the page since last weekend....awesome!!

RE: BOB RANSOMER

AFTER TALKING WITH PEG LAST NIGHT, I WAS WONDERING IF ANYBODY REMEMBERS BOB RANSOMER SINGING A SONG CALLED WHOA! MULE?

SECURITY UPDATE

I HAVE JUST BEEN ADVISED BY MY SICILIAN FRIENDS THAT OUR "IMPOSTER" MAY NOT BE WORKING ALONE. THEY INFORMED ME THAT THE SUSPECTED IMPOSTER HAS NEITHER THE MEANS OR THE INTELLIGENCE TO PERPETRATE THIS SECURITY BREACH PERSONALLY. I SHALL TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO FOREWARN ANY AND ALL WHO MAY BE INVOLVED, WE COOTS' TAKE THIS OMERTA SERIOUSLY AND ANY THREAT WILL BE DEALT WITH HARSHLY AND SWIFTLY BY MY "FRIENDS".

Well, well, well....let the games begin! I just got off of the phone with John and had to endure some insulting comments about the fact that I have not been on the blog....so here I am!!! This is cool Bobbie...thanks for setting it all up. I tried to post some pictures, but my connection at home is too sloooooooooowwwww - so I'll try to do it from work tomorrow.

WARNING! OUR COOTS SECURITY MAY BE COMPRIMISED.

ATTENTION ALL. I BELIEVE THAT WE MAY HAVE AN IMPOSTER AMONG US. SHE IS USING ROBIN'S NAME BUT IT AROUSED MY SUSPICION WHEN SHE GOT MOST OF THE BIRTHDAYS WRONG. AND THEN LAST NIGHT SHE ASKED,"WHAT THE HELL IS A MASSEY FERGUSON?". THAT THREW UP A RED FLAG IMMEDIATELY. AS YOU MAY KNOW, I KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON THESE THINGS SINCE OUR ENEMIES WILL GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO GET THE KERNEL'S SECRET. HOWEVER, AFTER MUCH RESEARCH LAST NIGHT, I WAS ABLE TO LOCATE ROBIN'S BIRTH RECORDS ONLINE AND IT SADDENS ME TO SAY THAT IT APPEARS SHE MAY NOT BE A COOTS AFTER ALL. ACCORDING TO THE BIRTH RECORDS DATED 13 - MARCH - 1963 HER FATHER IS LISTED AS ROBERT RANSOMER AND HER PLACE OF BIRTH IS LISTED AS AN ADDRESS THAT COMES BACK AS THE OLD RIKE'S PARKING GARAGE IN DAYTON, OHIO. THAT IS ALL THE INFO I HAVE AT THIS TIME. I WILL CONTINUE TO FORWARD ANY NEW INFORMATION AS IT BECOMES AVAILABLE TO ME. MY CONTACTS AT HEADQUARTERS HAVE ASSURED ME THEY ARE HANDLING THIS MATTER AS DIPLOMATICALLY AS POSSIBLE, SEEING AS HOW THIS COULD BECOME A MATTER OF INTERNATIONAL CONCERN. LASTLY, ANY FURTHER CORRESPONDENCE REGARDING THIS MATTER MUST BE THROUGH SECURE CHANNELS ONLY!

THE KERNEL

Random Observations

Happy belated birthday to Raylene, if you're 46 now, Ray must really be OLD! Doug, I ran into Poncho in Mexico a while back, he was recovering from a gun shot wound and had a whole bunch of derogatory things to say about you. Don't worry-problem eliminated! By the way do you still want your trash back? Robin, I read on here somewhere that you haven't seen me in over 3 years. Well I seem to remember that about a year and half ago we defied death to drive up a mountain in Mexico to a restaurant so you could eat octopus or squid or some other slimy sea creature. I had the stuffed Mahi-Mahi; magnifico! Hi Tricia, long time no see, I see that you are 32 now, BOY, your daddy must really be OLD! John are you still on the chittlins and collards diet, HEHE. Hey Michelle. Hey, Chance. TADA! Mark.

And I thought we wouldn't get another chance to sled...