There's a saying that I keep getting in e-mails that reminds me to be kind to everyone as we are ALL going through struggles of one thing or another. Some of those struggles are overwhelming like a tidal wave destroying everything in one's life and then once the wreckage is visible and one sees what to do, sometimes, it can only be putting one foot in front of the other that makes that progress--little as it can be. It is still progress. Having said that, we visited Robin last weekend and took Pippa her new "prison"--we do hope that it's working out and that she is enjoying the privacy of having her own space instead of being in Robin's bathroom.
We'll check in soon.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
I'M BACK!!!!!
Sorry that I haven't posted anything in awhile. My laptop has been in the shop getting repaired from where my eldest child had broke the hinges. anyway.... I've been working alot, we've been really busy which is a good thing considering the economy. Robin, I don't know what we can say or do to help you get through this terrible time. But I do know that you cannot blame yourself. Do not feel guilty about that night, PLEASE!!! chad was a grown man and he made a bad choice. He wouldnt want you to feel guilty about any thing he chose to do. Just please be strong hold your head up high and remember that there are alot of people out here who love you very much!!!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Cumberland pictures
Here are some pictures from our trip to Cumberland last October. I took a couple of cool pictures of the Chapel at the Pine Mountain Settlement School.
Happy Pics!
I have been meaning to get these pictures posted! They were taken on Christmas Eve. Jimmy and Angie brought their Wii and we all played and had a rip roarin' good time!
ROBIN
DEAR LORD,
WE NEED YOU TO WALK WITH ROBIN TODAY
WHILE SHE IS FRAGILE AND HER WOUND OF GRIEF IS DEEP.
HELP HER TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN HER LIFE
AND SHOW HER HOW TO LIVE AND ENJOY LIFE ONCE AGAIN.
AMEN.
DEAR GOD,
BLESS US ALL
GRANT US PEACE FROM OUR FEARS AND DOUBTS,
FROM THE TURMOIL OF OUR FAILURES,
FROM THE PAIN AND SUFFERING IN OUR SOULS.
ENDOW US WITH HOPE FOR THE DAYS AHEAD,
WITH COURAGE TO MAKE NEW BEGINNINGS,
AND WITH LOVE TO STRENGTHEN OUR RESOLVE TO LIVE.
AMEN.
ROBIN,
YOUR HEART IS LIKE A VESSEL, IT CARRIES WITHIN IT ALL THAT YOU ARE AND ALL THAT YOU WILL EVER BE.
GRIEF AND DEPRESSION ARE LIKE RUST UPON THIS VESSEL, AND IF LEFT UNTREATED, THEY WILL SURELY DESTROY IT.
I've had choices
since the day that i was born
there was voices
that told me right from wrong
If i had listened
I wouldn't be here today
living and dying
by the choices i made
-GEORGE JONES
WE NEED YOU TO WALK WITH ROBIN TODAY
WHILE SHE IS FRAGILE AND HER WOUND OF GRIEF IS DEEP.
HELP HER TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN HER LIFE
AND SHOW HER HOW TO LIVE AND ENJOY LIFE ONCE AGAIN.
AMEN.
DEAR GOD,
BLESS US ALL
GRANT US PEACE FROM OUR FEARS AND DOUBTS,
FROM THE TURMOIL OF OUR FAILURES,
FROM THE PAIN AND SUFFERING IN OUR SOULS.
ENDOW US WITH HOPE FOR THE DAYS AHEAD,
WITH COURAGE TO MAKE NEW BEGINNINGS,
AND WITH LOVE TO STRENGTHEN OUR RESOLVE TO LIVE.
AMEN.
ROBIN,
YOUR HEART IS LIKE A VESSEL, IT CARRIES WITHIN IT ALL THAT YOU ARE AND ALL THAT YOU WILL EVER BE.
GRIEF AND DEPRESSION ARE LIKE RUST UPON THIS VESSEL, AND IF LEFT UNTREATED, THEY WILL SURELY DESTROY IT.
I've had choices
since the day that i was born
there was voices
that told me right from wrong
If i had listened
I wouldn't be here today
living and dying
by the choices i made
-GEORGE JONES
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
CENSORSHIP??????
Some day when I am past grieving for Chad every minute of every day
Some day when I no longer sit here crying my eyes out because it hurts so bad he is no longer here
Some day when I can flip on this page and not remember how he used to laugh at Doug's foolishness and ask if Doug mentioned him
Some day when I can remember how he would sit here and hold my hand while I prayed for you to come through your surgery and while I made phone call after phone call after phone call
Some day when I can stand to think how I would be reading this blog and he would ask who this person was and who said what and how cool he thought it was for us to do this
Some day when I don't have to pore over police reports and autopsy reports and death certificates and call coroners to get them to answer questions that won't ever bring him back but I have to know anyway
Some day when I can deal with the fact that while I was staring at my phone around 5:30 am that morning and wondering why he hadn't called is right around the time he died and wondering why I didn't call him, why I just didn't call him
Some day when I can accept the fact that the choice he made that night killed him and if I had made a different choice that night I could have saved him
Some day when I can think of how I waited a lifetime to feel that kind of love, to know that kind of love and to have it gone in an instant because of stubbornness and stupidity
Some day when I can look at the one picture I have of Chad and me and not wish I had hundreds more
Some day when my heart is not broken and when every single part of my body hurts like hell because I miss him so much and I can't remember what it was like before him
Some day when I realize being the daughter and sister of alcoholics did not make me tougher or wiser, just more accepting
When that day gets here I'll be glad to explain the difference between censorship and common decency, BUT I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW. If having a biracial president is the WORST thing you can imagine and and if it BOTHERS you that our country celebrates a day in remembrance of a man who only asked for a couple of non-important things like peace and equality but whose skin was darker than yours, well, you are a lucky, lucky person.
Because I can tell you about things a lot WORSE and they BOTHER me every day and every night.
Do not fuck with me. I am standing on the edge of a cliff and all I've got behind me is disappointment and heartache and all I see before me is nothing. I am beyond tired, beyond worrying, beyond caring about stupid stuff, beyond trying to take care of people and things.
None of you need me to run this blog. None of you need me to even contribute to this blog right now.
But I need you. I need to come here and see pictures of GOOD things, FUNNY things, to read posts and comments from my family about GOOD and FUN things. How hard can that be?
Now, get out, get walking, strengthen your heart and your legs (all of you), take some pictures and post them on here. Talk about reunions this summer, play your quizzes and games, do something.
This moderator is on break.
Some day when I no longer sit here crying my eyes out because it hurts so bad he is no longer here
Some day when I can flip on this page and not remember how he used to laugh at Doug's foolishness and ask if Doug mentioned him
Some day when I can remember how he would sit here and hold my hand while I prayed for you to come through your surgery and while I made phone call after phone call after phone call
Some day when I can stand to think how I would be reading this blog and he would ask who this person was and who said what and how cool he thought it was for us to do this
Some day when I don't have to pore over police reports and autopsy reports and death certificates and call coroners to get them to answer questions that won't ever bring him back but I have to know anyway
Some day when I can deal with the fact that while I was staring at my phone around 5:30 am that morning and wondering why he hadn't called is right around the time he died and wondering why I didn't call him, why I just didn't call him
Some day when I can accept the fact that the choice he made that night killed him and if I had made a different choice that night I could have saved him
Some day when I can think of how I waited a lifetime to feel that kind of love, to know that kind of love and to have it gone in an instant because of stubbornness and stupidity
Some day when I can look at the one picture I have of Chad and me and not wish I had hundreds more
Some day when my heart is not broken and when every single part of my body hurts like hell because I miss him so much and I can't remember what it was like before him
Some day when I realize being the daughter and sister of alcoholics did not make me tougher or wiser, just more accepting
When that day gets here I'll be glad to explain the difference between censorship and common decency, BUT I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW. If having a biracial president is the WORST thing you can imagine and and if it BOTHERS you that our country celebrates a day in remembrance of a man who only asked for a couple of non-important things like peace and equality but whose skin was darker than yours, well, you are a lucky, lucky person.
Because I can tell you about things a lot WORSE and they BOTHER me every day and every night.
Do not fuck with me. I am standing on the edge of a cliff and all I've got behind me is disappointment and heartache and all I see before me is nothing. I am beyond tired, beyond worrying, beyond caring about stupid stuff, beyond trying to take care of people and things.
None of you need me to run this blog. None of you need me to even contribute to this blog right now.
But I need you. I need to come here and see pictures of GOOD things, FUNNY things, to read posts and comments from my family about GOOD and FUN things. How hard can that be?
Now, get out, get walking, strengthen your heart and your legs (all of you), take some pictures and post them on here. Talk about reunions this summer, play your quizzes and games, do something.
This moderator is on break.
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