DEAR AUNT MOM,
HOW ARE YOU? I AM FINE. ME AND UNCLE DAD SURE DO MISS YOU. WE ARE BOTH VERY EXCITED THAT WE ARE COMING DOWN TO THE WOMEN'S FARM TO VISIT YOU FOR CHRISTMAS. YOU HAVE BEEN THERE SO LONG UNCLE DAD SAYS YOU MUST BE A REAL GOOD FARMER BY NOW. HE CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE YOU. HE HAS ALREADY WASHED HIS FAVORITE YELLOW SHIRT (HE SAID IT USED TO BE HIS FAVORITE WHITE SHIRT) AND IT HAS BEEN HUNG OUT TO DRY FOR 3 DAYS. UNCLE DAD BORRYED A TRANSMISSION FOR HIS TRUCK LAST NIGHT AND HE SAYS WE SHOULD MAKE IT WITH NO PROBLEMS. GRANDMA WILLY LENT US THIRTY DOLLERS FOR GAS AND SHE EVEN SAID WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY IT BACK IF WE DON'T COME BACK. THINGS HAVE BEEN ABOUT THE SAME HERE AT HOME. IT RAINED REAL HARD LAST WEEK AND THE TRAILER LEAKED REAL BAD BUT UNCLE DAD SAID IT WAS OKAY BECAUSE IT ONLY LEAKS IN THE BATHROOM. ONE OF THOSE OLD RIA SISTERS THAT LIVE DOWN THE ROAD(I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GONNAH OR DIA, THEY LOOK JUST ALIKE TO ME) IS REAL MAD AT UNCLE DAD. SHE THINKS HE STOLE HER BIG OLD CAT ONE NIGHT BUT I KNOW HE DIDN'T BECAUSE WHEN I GOT UP THAT NEXT MORNING HE HAD A BIG CHICKEN DINNER COOKED FOR US AND I JUST KNOW HE WAS TOO BUSY COOKIN THAT CHICKEN AND HE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO GO STEAL HER OLD CAT. THAT MAN FROM THE SCHOOLHOUSE CAME BY AGAIN TO SEE WHY I DON'T GO TO THE SCHOOL BUT UNCLE DAD TOLD HIM I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO ON ACCOUNT OF I WAS TOO OLD AND I ONLY SEEM YOUNGER BECAUSE I AM PART RETARDED. BUT HE DIDN'T SAY WHAT PART. UNCLE DAD HAS ALSO MADE SOME OF HIS HOMEMADE PINE WINE TO BRING WITH US AND HE GOT A PEE JUG SO HE SAYS WE DON'T HAVE TO STOP ON THE WAY AND WE CAN GET THERE FASTER. ALSO, A NEGRA FAMILY MOVED IN DOWN THE ROAD IN THAT OLD SHACK BY THE RIVER. UNCLE DAD SAYS WE MIGHT STOP AND VISIT THEM ONE NIGHT AND SEE IF THEY WANT TO SHINE OUR SHOES(ALTHOUGH I PROBABLY WON'T GO SINCE I QUIT WEARIN MY SHOES BECAUSE THEY HURT MY TOE). WE WENT AND CASHED IN SIX BAGS OF CANS TODAY AND UNCLE DAD SAID WE GOT ENOUGH MONEY THAT HE CAN FILL ONE BAG UP AGAIN TONITE. HE IS ALWAYS THINKIN OF HOW TO MAKE MONEY. WELL, I GUESS THATS ENOUGH FOR NOW, SINCE WE WILL BE SEEING YOU SOON.

LOVE, YOU SON
JOE EARL CLAMPIT