CENSORSHIP??????

Some day when I am past grieving for Chad every minute of every day
Some day when I no longer sit here crying my eyes out because it hurts so bad he is no longer here
Some day when I can flip on this page and not remember how he used to laugh at Doug's foolishness and ask if Doug mentioned him
Some day when I can remember how he would sit here and hold my hand while I prayed for you to come through your surgery and while I made phone call after phone call after phone call
Some day when I can stand to think how I would be reading this blog and he would ask who this person was and who said what and how cool he thought it was for us to do this
Some day when I don't have to pore over police reports and autopsy reports and death certificates and call coroners to get them to answer questions that won't ever bring him back but I have to know anyway
Some day when I can deal with the fact that while I was staring at my phone around 5:30 am that morning and wondering why he hadn't called is right around the time he died and wondering why I didn't call him, why I just didn't call him
Some day when I can accept the fact that the choice he made that night killed him and if I had made a different choice that night I could have saved him
Some day when I can think of how I waited a lifetime to feel that kind of love, to know that kind of love and to have it gone in an instant because of stubbornness and stupidity
Some day when I can look at the one picture I have of Chad and me and not wish I had hundreds more
Some day when my heart is not broken and when every single part of my body hurts like hell because I miss him so much and I can't remember what it was like before him
Some day when I realize being the daughter and sister of alcoholics did not make me tougher or wiser, just more accepting

When that day gets here I'll be glad to explain the difference between censorship and common decency, BUT I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW. If having a biracial president is the WORST thing you can imagine and and if it BOTHERS you that our country celebrates a day in remembrance of a man who only asked for a couple of non-important things like peace and equality but whose skin was darker than yours, well, you are a lucky, lucky person.

Because I can tell you about things a lot WORSE and they BOTHER me every day and every night.

Do not fuck with me. I am standing on the edge of a cliff and all I've got behind me is disappointment and heartache and all I see before me is nothing. I am beyond tired, beyond worrying, beyond caring about stupid stuff, beyond trying to take care of people and things.

None of you need me to run this blog. None of you need me to even contribute to this blog right now.

But I need you. I need to come here and see pictures of GOOD things, FUNNY things, to read posts and comments from my family about GOOD and FUN things. How hard can that be?

Now, get out, get walking, strengthen your heart and your legs (all of you), take some pictures and post them on here. Talk about reunions this summer, play your quizzes and games, do something.

This moderator is on break.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

CENSORSHIP TODAY,COMMUNISM TOMMORROW!!!!

REAL FRIGGIN COLD

LAST NIGHT (FRIDAY) AT 11:00 P.M., SPRINGFIELD OHIO WAS THE COLDEST SPOT IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY. INCLUDING ALASKA! ACCORDING TO CHANNEL 7 NEWS. THE TEMP. @ 11:00 WAS -17. YES , MINUS SEVENTEEN!!!!! THAT JUST MIGHT BE COLDER THAN KATHY'S HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Heres the pics of Bailey on Christmas. She is so adorable. The other is Shawn and I on New years I was working at the bar. John these pics are on my myspace so if you go to my profile you can click on them and add them to yours. I am sending Mom some copies I printed.

Alive and well

Hello everyone. I promised Robin I would post and let everyone know how I'm doing.I got out of the hospital Thursday night. I am still having stomach pains and trouble walking. I thought it would be good for me and Shawn to go out Friday night but, I ended up being sick all day Saturday (he is cussing me saying I'm trying to do to much to soon). Anyway I have been talking to Pete everyday, to make sure I'm doing what the Dr. tells me to do. They have me on lots of meds that they say I will be on the rest of my life. I have quit smoking and drinking since most people seem to think this is what helped bring this on. I am off work till the 19th so if anyone wants to call me my number is 865 247 7327. Other than that I am doing good. John as soon as i find my cord I will post the pics I took of Bailey on Christmas, she is so adorable. I hope everyone is doing well, and I promised robin I would log on here more. I hope everyone has a great New year

LORD, I HOPE THIS DAY IS GOOD

DOUG....

HAVE YA HEARD FROM THAT WOMERN?

UPDATE ON CHANCE

Chance is doing better and was moved from CCU into a regular room today. They will keep him until Thursday to make sure everything is going okay.

I guess they managed to either stop the bleeding or it has slowed down enough to put him out of the danger zone. His color is good and he was able to take some broth and keep it down. He will be taking an aspirin and meds for his cholesterol when he leaves the hospital.

Peg, Johnny and Zach were headed home tonight after he got moved to a regular room.

I don't know his room number but I do have his cell number if anyone wants it.

Hopefully, all will be well now and he will recover just fine.

CHANCE

Just to let everyone know, Chance had a heart cath done this morning. He had 50% blockage in one artery, 75% in another and some plaque buildup in the other. They put in a stint in the artery with the 75% blockage.

There were complications from the surgery and Chance has abdominal bleeding. They are trying to clot this with transfusions right now, holding off on surgery and hopefully preventing the need for it.

Chance is in Parkwest Hospital in Knoxville in the CCU. Peg, Johnny and Zach are with him and have been since last night. I just talked with Peg and so far, they are having some success with the clotting in the stomach, but they are concerned with clotting in the arteries and will have to watch this closely for awhile.

Peg will call me if anything changes or after they know more tomorrow and I will post an update then. Please keep Chance and Peg & Johnny in your thoughts and prayers.

WELL?

WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?